Undisclosed Desires
by Saphyr88
Summary: The tale of a letter, and the undisclosed desires of one particular vampire's heart. Happy Valentines! One shot.


He'd fretted over that letter on the desk for hours, Griffin noted. When he'd peered over Tesla's shoulder, witnessed the hundreds of crossings out, the Serb had instantly covered it over, snapping a glare and something about having things to blow up in his lab. Nigel had chuckled, sniping back as he always did, and cagily retreated to do precisely what Nikola had suggested. Something had bothered him, however. He just couldn't shake the unnerving sensation… had Tesla been writing a _love_ letter?

So when Griffin had been sat at that same desk that evening to see to his own correspondences, and his eye had caught the two pieces of paper scrunched up and balled on the top of the bin, he couldn't help himself. Curiosity got the better of him – I mean who on earth had managed to get Mr Know-It-All so worked up? Glancing up to make sure no one was around, he unravelled them both. What he read stopped him in his tracks. Instantly feeling guilty for having pried, Nigel still couldn't throw it back in the rubbish. Not the finished one at any rate. Think of it as proof, he thought to himself, trying to rationalise his unfathomably underhanded behaviour: _and never, ever mention it_. Not to him, and certainly not to… oh bloody hell, he really hoped she never asked.

Maybe it's why that bit of paper remained in his possession all those years. Until it had grown yellow with age, dusty at the back of a draw, until his body had finally deteriorated and been buried in the ground.

Perhaps that's why his daughter had kept it, despite barely comprehending its significance, and tucked it away in a diary which in turn her daughter had saved when the time came to sort through the possession of the dead. The very reason why it had, ironically, ended up back at the London Sanctuary when she'd moved there permanently, stacking it on her bedroom shelf. Where it remained until Will had boxed up her belongings with watery eyes and a heavy heart, preparing for their return to Old City.

A box which had lingered in Will's office, unsorted, before he'd been rudely forced into the employment of SCIU. He'd removed it and most of his belongings in a strop, planning on staying with Abby for the duration of his exile from the Sanctuary and it stayed there, waiting until one, not so special day, when Abby complained he was only using her apartment as an archive.

Realising he hadn't ever actually sorted through Clara's things, Will hesitantly approached the box and, with Abby's compassionate help, started to look. Then turned to each other, stunned, shocked to find themselves reading the painfully honest words of a man so familiar to them, yet so different. They were looking at each other with the same expression. Knowing they couldn't breathe a word of this, and yet just as incapable of burning it or throwing it away… it was evidence.

Evidence of the undisclosed desires of one man's heart a heart which might, if this was any indicator, be capable of beating still.

_14__th__ February 1888_

_Dear Helen,_

_ Ever since I met you, I have adored you. You were a bold striking dash of colour in an otherwise dull and commonplace world; and the things you have shown me. As though taking me beyond the known scientific world was not enough, you have presented me with kindness, compassion, a tenderness no one ever deigned show me before and which, until you, I had never missed._

_ When you walk in the room Helen, everything is illuminated, as brilliant as your smile, as perfect as your laugh. I like to be the cause of it as often as possible – I'm sure you've noticed – I could listen to it all day long._

_I have never met anyone so loyal and passionate in all my travels, you take my breath away. Your determination and resolve, in that moment you stepped into the unknown – I could not have been more in love with you than in that moment. When you clutched my hand, my heart sped. You sealed my devotion to you that very moment - I could not let go. You drew me in, and I couldn't take my eyes off of you not for one second, fascinated, in awe of you, and though I would never admit it, even just a little afraid of what was going to happen._

_I should have been more worried for my own fate, it seems, but how could I not follow you on this journey? We're in this together, as a five, but I only ever wanted to be there for you… and in the end, it was you who was there for me, and you didn't hesitate for so much as a second. Even when I pushed you away._

_That is why, on this feast of St Valentine I have, for the first time in my life, given in to the tradition. Not just to thank you, but to admit what, out of fear of losing you, I have kept pressed close against my heart._

_I love you. With an intensity that brings such joy when I am near you… and so much pain when I remember the jewellery around your finger, and the honour I must pay that hateful band out of respect for you – and nothing more. I would desire you for myself above all others in this world, but I… desire your happiness more._

_So before you are married and taken beyond my reach, God how I wish I'd said something, but you've got to hand it to _Johnny_ his timing has always been _impeccable_. __I was just too-__ Before he takes you away from me, I want you to know that this one thing between us is true. No matter where, no matter when, no matter what happens behind closed doors – just call for me and I will be there. You probably never will, fantastically stubborn, self-reliant woman that you are, but believe me; I could never deny you anything. Argue, complain, raise all hell, maybe, but deny you? Never._

_I was afraid, and I am never going to forgive myself for that, but I hope that you will, that you will not shun me because of how I feel. With that great, wonderful heart of yours, forgive me._

_All my love, for eternity,_

_Nikola Tesla_

_P.S. You've always looked radiant in red; you really should wear it more often._

* * *

**Author's Note**: Happy Valentine's Day! Or as we singletons like to call it - the day of angst. :) Jk - but oh Tesla how I sympathise. Just a special little one shot for all the lovely support and encouragement. Hope you liked it.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the above love bunnies. :( More's the shame.


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